Stumped for Gifts?

For those of you looking for a gift (or eight- shalom) this holiday season but are unable to get up to Adam and Deidre's wonderful new Manos Market* in Hancock, Maine (you need a website and mail order, you crazy cheese book reading kids) might I make a few suggestions?

First, in this renewed climate of culture war, is there a better way to express your contempt for evolution, rational thought, and the precepts of the holy book(s) you claim to follow than with a bit of religious kitch?


Presenting the ibelieve. What better way to listen to your Amy Grant or Stryper songs than on a re-engineered ipod that says "Hey! I may be an evangelical minister but at least I'm an evangelical youth minister!" No word yet if excessive use of the ibelieve causes stigmata but if you do happen to find yourself nailed up this Christmas, you can always pass the time with your fellow danglers by enjoying a few hands of America's hot new pastime, poker!


And the religious gift opportunities don't stop there! Proving that eccesiastical junk has moved on from the Jesus Shooting Hoops figurine of a few years back, those good folks at shipoffools.com have compiled a list of 11 Christian, 1 Muslim, and 1 Atheist gift ideas for the Twelve Days of Kitschmas.

Not in the mood for religious gifts and content to burn in hell-fire? How about a great piece of bespoke suitery? You could of course visit the fine chaps at English Cut but the suits that are sweeping the fashion world come from the tailor's bench of Recep Cesur, Turkey's finest exponent of the rag trade. Don't believe me? Then you explain the rush of orders that followed the Anatolian needlesmith's most famous client inadvertently showing the "Cesur" label of his suit in court the other day:

As no less an authority on men's fashion as the Christian Science Monitor says,

ISTANBUL, TURKEY – It should have been the downfall of Recep Cesur's business. There, standing in the dock of a Baghdad courtroom on charges of orchestrating mass murder, was Saddam Hussein wearing a pinstriped suit made by Mr. Cesur's Istanbul-based clothing company. Whenever the former Iraqi dictator reached inside his jacket for a pen, the "Cesur" label was flashed on TV screens across the world.

But rather than taking a nosedive, Cesur's sales have been booming since Mr. Hussein's court appearances began this fall. In fact, Cesur's link to Hussein has proved to be - to paraphrase his now most famous customer - the mother of all endorsements.

"Before Saddam's trial, people knew our suits, our quality, our price. But now they are looking at us differently, like we're a big brand, big quality. They think that's why Saddam is wearing our suit," says Cesur as he stands in his Istanbul showroom.

Should a handmade suit be beyond your budget, you could of course get out the scissors and the fabric yourself and turn your hand to crafting your own gifts. For inspiration, why not turn to the world of simian millinery?


Mr. Monkey over at The House of the Orange Monkey models a wide range of tifters, and all come with construction instructions.

Still stumped? The last but quite possibly least, might I suggest a signed Wisdom Weasel photograph to keep your loved ones warm this winter?


$5 gets you the personalization of your choice, $10 a pair of accompanying worn underpants sealed in a Ziploc bag.

Happy shopping!

*Not named after the movie.